you gotta fire and it's burnin' in the rain.

It's been like a month since I've started having feelings for you and honestly, they get stronger everyday. I tried to stop thinking about you, I tried to keep my mind off you.. but that just made me think of you more, and in return that makes me like you more. It's a never ending cycle of falling for you. I think about you, all the time..and I don't know whether I like that or not. Today we were supposed to do something, and I waited for you..for four hours. It's not the fact that you stood me up that bothers me, it's that you ignored me while you did it. I understand you had an issue where you had to leave town, but could you not tell me that? Did you honestly have to ignore every single text of mine? Maybe you're trying to push me away, maybe you want me to pull myself away from you.. Honestly, it's kind of working. You keep sending mixed signals and I don't know whether you like me or if you don't give a crap about me. I think that's what bothers me the most, I have all these feelings and you act one way one day, and one way another. I kinda feel like my heart is on the table, and it just sits there while you play around with it. Not telling you is killing me, but being rejected might kill me more.
My heart tells me one thing, and my mind tells me another...Maybe it's time to follow my mind for a change.

Please don't be in love with someone else..

Today was the last day.. I'm officially out for the summer.
Honestly I'm not sure what I think about this. I'm excited that schools over, yet I'm kind of disappointed. I know, most people would be like what the crap, she's crazy! But well, there's this guy...
Don't all interesting stories start with "Well, there's this guy? (:
We just started getting close the past few weeks and well, there's feelings... shocker. Who didn't see that one coming?! Honestly I never thought I would have feelings for him, but then I got to know him and now I can't seem to get him off my mind. There's one problem, he has a girlfriend. Um yeah... fml. (I HATE that saying, but it applies)
People always say, if he messes with you when he has a girl, then he'll mess with someone else when you're with him. Heck, I say that! But I just half care yet half don't. I'm being careful, yet how can you be careful with a guy like him!? All I know is I haven't felt like this in a while, and I like it..I like him.
He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he makes my day, he cheers me up, he calms my mood.. I could go on forever! He texts me and I blush for like five minutes. Is this abnormal? I'm just honestly kind of scared, some people might say "why are you even scared, you're just a ho!" But I'm scared because I don't want to just be that " back up" if him and his girlfriend don't work out. I want someone who falls in love with me because of me, not because he's bored. I don't want to be his "in case" girl...I'm just scared of being hurt.
Maybe I'm reading into this too much, maybe he doesn't like me like I think he does..
Maybe..

I don't know what I am to you. And I don't know what I mean to you..All I know is every time I think of you, I want to be with you..

Baby you're no good for me..

Well here we go again, somehow you always seem to make me think that we can make it work.. and this time, I actually believed you. I actually thought you might of changed..boy was I wrong.
And of course you would pop up right after I made the conscience choice to start getting over you and moving on..Looks like we start back at square one.. Honestly, you had me falling again, and I was falling hard too. I'm upset that it had to take this long for me to realize you were playing me, and only nice because you wanted something.. But I guess sometimes you just can't see certain things till you get to a certain point. And God, when I saw that I ran for the door. Like hell I'm gonna go through that same crap again. You must be absolutely crazy if you think what you did, how you treated me, how you talked to me, would EVER, EVER fly again. I'm really disappointed in myself, for letting it get this far. and for letting my heart be this vulnerable. I just hope and pray that I never ever do that again.  Each time we do this you show me how you are so much of an ass wipe and how God is so amazing. Yes, I did just use ass and God in the same sentence. haha. So go have fun with your dirty, little nasty, probably infected of an EX. I'm gonna find a man, a strong, handsome, funny, quiet, loving, and understanding MAN. Not a little boy, that has emotions like a little girl. Grow up, and get you some tissues. cause I'm sure you're crying right now.

Guess you'll always be my happy never after.

God's grace is everlasting.